This is one of those things that you jump into with both feet, full speed ahead and then part way through find yourself shaking your head like a scared little kid saying over and over, "...I can't do this, I can't do this..."
Then...you snap out of it and become the woman God created you to be, and you do it. No matter what it is, you just do it.
I have experienced these feelings before, mostly with my son Hayden, but a few other times as well. Sometimes it takes me a minute to step through that fire ring that fear laid in front of you, but you do. We all do...
My Grandfather and cousin are intensely private people and because of that I have not shared too much of this journey, but it is a journey and it is a part of my life that I want and need to remember. We have gone through many stages over the past 6 months, and the two years prior that led up to this point. I developed a different relationship with a man that I once respected with and hint of fear and now I respect with an intense amount of compassion.
I will continue to respect his privacy and the privacy of my family, but I will be doing a photo journal.On my Mornings, Day's or Evenings with Pop I plan to take pictures of the things that strike me in that moment.
If you have ever been a care taker for someone you love, you know that this journey can be intense, uplifting, heartbreaking and just plain hard at times. There are even small moments where you feel anger and frustration..never with the "person" your caring for but for what is happening to them.
My back porch view....